Rape is something we just don’t talk about even though many of us has been raped, including me. According to the Rape, Abuse, Incest Nation Network (RAINN) 1 in 6 American women has been raped and 1 in 33 American men have been raped. There are literally millions of rapists in the United States of America and that is a scary thought. And most of these rapists have not been arrested, or identified; they are out there looking for the opportunity to rape again. For the most part, people don’t want to believe that there are that millions of rapists around. People don’t want to believe that fathers are raping their children or that their son is raping women he “dates”. But it is happening everywhere and to all types of people. There are no economic or educational barriers to being a rapist or being raped. Religious people are rapist, sports figures are rapists, business men are rapists, college students are rapists, high school students are rapists, Grandfathers and uncles are rapists; a rapist could be anyone, anywhere and chances are you know someone who is a rapist. The most frightening fact is that 2/3 of sexual assaults are perpetrated by someone the victim knows. The reality is that rape usually occurs between people of unequal power. A person in a power position, whether physical, emotional, authority or other uses that position to force their sexual will on someone vulnerable. Consequently the violated person is disinclined to do anything about the rape; whether due to fear, disbelief or doubt that they will believed they feel powerless and or want to avoid publicizing their humiliation.
I have heard it said that in America we have a “Rape Culture”, which sounds harsh but looking at the facts this is an accurate portrayal of the situation. Every 2 minutes, someone in the U.S. is sexually assaulted. Men rape at will and their victims are made to feel ashamed, maligned, and further victimized by the police, courts and society at large if they seek justice for the crime that was committed against them. Is there any other crime where the victim is forced to have their life laid bare to the world in order to prosecute the criminal? During the trial of child rapist Jerry Sandusky one of the boys, who is now a man, testified that as an adult he went to prison. This has nothing to do with the fact that as a child he was raped, except that maybe being raped as a child messed up his life and caused him to do things that got him in trouble with the law. But that was not the defense lawyers point, they wanted to make him seem untrustworthy, shady; undermine his character and credibility as a witness. When women are raped and they are not a virgin who only dresses like the Amish, they are subjected to scrutiny about their clothes, habits, sex partners, and lifestyle. Let me be clear, it is not the character of the rape victim that is in question during a trial or when the police take statements from the victim; it is the rapist’s character that is in question. Who the hell would say they were raped just to get attention? Granted there might be someone in world that would do this but really it’s probably less than .001%.
There was a recent case of a NYC Police officer who raped a woman who was drunk. The officer and his partner were taking the women home; you know escorting her there so she would get there safely. Then one of the officers raped her in her apartment while his partner waited outside. A woman who is drunk or high is vulnerable and a man who takes advantage of her in this state is a rapist. In another case, another NYC Police officer raped a teacher at gunpoint after abducting her. He was only convicted because he confessed to the rape at the 2nd trial. Is it any wonder most rapes don’t get reported to the policeman who might rape you, too?
Then there was a case I read about in the New York Times last year, were a young girl was raped in Cleveland, Texas. This is probably one the worst articles I have ever read because it was full of quotes from people whose main concern were the boy rapists, blaming the mother and discussion about how inappropriately the girl dressed. None of these things matter. Men who think they can rape someone just need to be stopped. It does not matter what people wear or where they were or who they hang-out with because no one has the right to rape anyone. Boys need to be taught this at an early age. But American men are not really taught to manage their emotions. That is why they vent their frustrations on the weak; women, children and animals. They yell, beat, kill and rape. Additionally people are so reluctant to talk about sex and so afraid that discussing sex with children or teens will just encourage them to do it, so a critical part of a child’s education is neglected. This lack of information leaves them vulnerable to being raped or becoming a rapist. Who wants their child to be raped? Who wants their child to become a rapist? Tell your sons and daughters rape is wrong. Tell your children this is unacceptable behavior. Explain to them what it means. The FBI’s definition of rape is “penetration, no matter how slight, of the vagina or anus with any body part or object, or oral penetration by a sex organ of another person, without the consent of the victim.” This definition includes men women and children. Most importantly believe your children if they tell you someone has sexually assaulted them or tried to sexually assault them, even if a relative is the rapist.
Incest is also rape. I think people underestimate how many incestuous rapes take place. Incest is gross to think about but it happens a lot. A few years ago I read an article about Marilyn Van Derbur who was Miss America in 1958 and it really stuck with me. Van Derbur was from a wealthy and prominent family and she was rape by her father for 13 years starting at age five. When she told her mother, her mother did not believe it. Or more accurately she did not want to believe it. According to Ms. Van Derbur her family looked picture perfect from the outside but it was far from perfect. Incest is everywhere. Incest is rape. I personally know someone whose father kept raping her. She was my best friend when we were little girls. In all honesty I did not figure this out until we were teenagers because I didn’t have an awareness that such a thing could happen. Incest doesn’t have to be just the father raping a daughter or son; it could be a grandfather, an uncle, a brother or all of them.
I live in Germany and the rate of rape is much lower than in America. Women do not have to fear rape when they walk down the street or live their lives. There are over 80 million people in Germany and there were 7,292 reported rapes in 2009. The definition of rape in Germany is much more stringent than in America and it include spousal rape. There were 90,427 reported rapes in 2010 in the United States. Yes the USA has a larger population but the population is difference does not explain why there are so many rapes in America. All men everywhere are not rapists. America seems to breed them. The only way to stop this trend in the future is to talk to our children and take action when you know about rape occurring. Don’t be like Joe Paterno, Michael McQueary, Monsignor William Lynn and the Pope; turning a blind eye to crimes and helping to facilitate rape. Rape is a crime; call the police if you know it’s happening. Silence only helps facilitate more rapes.
As long as we are in denial about the fact that rape and incest is real, the raping will continue. Until we speak to our children about sex and rape, we will keep churning out rapists and victims at an alarming rate.
